Feeling Fat

"So, Dorie, how are you feeling today?"
This is what my therapist would always say.
In quite a bright and chipper tone, I might add.
"I feel FAT today," I would snarl to my therapist.
"FAT is NOT a FEELING," she would say.
"F--- you, FAT IS a FEELING," I wanted to yell.
Instead, I just started at the floor, seething away.
"What's behind the FAT feeling," she'd finally say.
"I just hate my body and I hate my life," I'd bemoan.
Then, I'd stare at the floor again, seething away.
"I sense some anger and frustration," she'd say.
"F--- these F'n FEELINGS," I wanted to blurt out.
Instead, I gave her the appeasing remark, "Yeah, I guess."
But then I looked her straight in the eyes.
I emphasized, "But really what I feel is that I FEEL FAT."
I added, staring at her, "FAT IS a FEELING!!!"
Suddenly, I began feeling great confidence...

There are different kinds of feelings. There are "emotional" feelings, like anger, frustration, or confidence. But there are also "somatic" feelings, like fat, tight, or hot. These somatic feelings have essential healing information, and need to be honored, because they can be a doorway to the emotional feelings. In retrospect, I can see that my therapist realized this, by her question, "what's behind the fat feeling?" However, she began the dialogue with the statement that "fat is NOT a feeling," which made me feel -- here we go, emotional feelings -- criticized, invalidated, wrong. Some of my core issues, right there, on the table. But I was able to challenge these by voicing my knowing that FAT IS a FEELING!

It's true. FAT IS a FEELING. It's also true that there are emotional feelings behind that somatic feeling. Can you honor and learn from BOTH??? Soooooooo... How are YOU FEELING today???