Food, Hunger, Denial, Anorexia & More

"Food, glorious food"... That was a line from a song in the classic movie, Oliver... "Please, sir, may I have some more?" begged Oliver... With evil laughter, his request was denied...

I'll never forget my parallel situation, when I was at 6th grade camp... Mr. Williams, one of our teachers, had all of us chopping potatoes, carrots, onions, and other vegetables all day... I didn't eat all day, because I was "saving up" for the big feast of the evening... Little did I know, there was going to be a big "feet" that evening instead... Mr. Williams' secret stew ingredient was one of his own sweaty socks... My stomach turned as he peeled the sweaty sock off his stinky foot, squeezed several drops of sweat right into the pot, and then dropped it in... Despite my distaste, I knew that I needed food, and this was all that was available... So I held my bowl out, squinting through one eye with my head turned, and was served a token ladelful... The few spoonfuls in my bowl were like manna from Heaven... I gobbled it all up in seconds flat... I could feel the nutrients coursing through my veins... My body cried out for more... "Please, sir, may I have some more?" I begged to Mr. Williams... With evil laughter, my request was denied... As I recall, I didn't eat for days after that, in protest...

To this day, I need to know that I'll always have enough... I don't do well sharing Chinese, or pizza, or popcorn... I prefer to have my own entree, and I will share with others if I choose... I hate it when people reach their fork onto my plate without asking, to sample a bite, or two, or three, or more... I never again want to ask, "Please, sir, may I have some more... Do you?

Diet Induced Obesity

I wish I could go back to my 10-year old body, and convince that little girl that she really didn't need to lose weight... I wish I could stop her from going on that first diet... Because that diet turned into another, and another, and another... And with every pound I lost, I'd regain two... So, by the time I was in my early 20's, I had dieted my way up to 175 pounds...

This is what is called "diet induced obesity"... It's a trend observed in 95% of dieters, who end up weighing more than when they started their diet... If I had a dollar for everyone who has said, "If only I weighed what I did when I went on my first diet," I'd be a millionaire...

I did finally lose weight and keep it off, but only when I STOPPED DIETING and STARTED LIVING... Fad diets are a dime a dozen, but you'll pay a much higer price than that if you play the games dieters play... If you're serious about losing weight and overcoming obesity, start with this simple step: DON'T DIET!!!

Feeling Fat

"So, Dorie, how are you feeling today?"
This is what my therapist would always say.
In quite a bright and chipper tone, I might add.
"I feel FAT today," I would snarl to my therapist.
"FAT is NOT a FEELING," she would say.
"F--- you, FAT IS a FEELING," I wanted to yell.
Instead, I just started at the floor, seething away.
"What's behind the FAT feeling," she'd finally say.
"I just hate my body and I hate my life," I'd bemoan.
Then, I'd stare at the floor again, seething away.
"I sense some anger and frustration," she'd say.
"F--- these F'n FEELINGS," I wanted to blurt out.
Instead, I gave her the appeasing remark, "Yeah, I guess."
But then I looked her straight in the eyes.
I emphasized, "But really what I feel is that I FEEL FAT."
I added, staring at her, "FAT IS a FEELING!!!"
Suddenly, I began feeling great confidence...

There are different kinds of feelings. There are "emotional" feelings, like anger, frustration, or confidence. But there are also "somatic" feelings, like fat, tight, or hot. These somatic feelings have essential healing information, and need to be honored, because they can be a doorway to the emotional feelings. In retrospect, I can see that my therapist realized this, by her question, "what's behind the fat feeling?" However, she began the dialogue with the statement that "fat is NOT a feeling," which made me feel -- here we go, emotional feelings -- criticized, invalidated, wrong. Some of my core issues, right there, on the table. But I was able to challenge these by voicing my knowing that FAT IS a FEELING!

It's true. FAT IS a FEELING. It's also true that there are emotional feelings behind that somatic feeling. Can you honor and learn from BOTH??? Soooooooo... How are YOU FEELING today???

Weight Loss & Affirmations

What messages are you sending to the Universe about your weight problem? Do you look in the mirror and say, "I'm sooooo fat," like I did pretty much every day? Whatever you think or say, beginning with the words I AM, is an affirmation.

I am sooooooo fat!!!
I am never going to lose this weight!!!
I am a compulsive eater and I'll be this way forever!!!

What I didn't realize is, when I made statements like this, I was telling the Universe that I wanted MORE of these things. Whatever I affirmed, I got MORE of. MORE body fat. MORE weight plateaus. MORE compulsive eating.

Finally, I realized this wasn't what I REALLY wanted. I began to ACT AS IF what I wanted was already here, by thinking and saying new affirmations.

I am in the healthy body of my dreams!!!
I am easily and safely losing excess weight!!!
I am an intuitive eater and I'll be this way forever!!!

This might seem a bit like "magic." It's not. Affirmations are amazingly powerful. More so than any "magic pill."

So... what are YOUR affirmations?

Exercising Intuition

I recently returned from a trip to Winter Park, CO... I stayed in a 2BR cabin with my boyfriend... We cross-country skiied, cooked great meals together, went snow-shoeing, walked around the town, and went out for dinner...

At no time was I wondering, "How many calories am I burning?" or, "Did I work out long enough to be able to eat this?" or, the always popular, "Do I look FAT???"

I just wanted to share that update with you... Yes, it is possible to NOT obsess over food, weight, exercise, etc!!!

In the past, the exercise thing was always a big deal for me. I either did it to burn fat/calories, or I didn't do it at all, because I was rebelling against the prior regimen. I finally got to a point where I realized that I WANTED to "move my body"... I didn't like being sedentary... I wanted to be active... I like the word "activity," because it doesn't feel as disciplined as exercise...

So, consider what type of ACTIVITY you can enjoy... This is what exercising with intuition is all about... When you find activities that you truly ENJOY, you will look forward to doing these...

The last night when I was in Winter Park, there was a light snowfall... I was out there snow-shoeing in the wilderness with my boyfriend... We caught those big, puffy snowflakes on our tongues... We were both in awe of our surroundings, and truly enjoyed the experience of "activity"...

This is what "exercise" is all about... What activity can you TRULY ENJOY???

Overcoming Obesity: Step 1

I used to hate my "cellulite-laden thunder-thighs." But the more I hated my body, the more I ate. The more I ate, the more weight I gained. The more weight I gained, the more I hated my body. You get the cycle...

Then, I had a "wake-up call," which helped me begin to love my body. Yes, Step 1 to overcoming obesity is to love yourself, exactly as you are. When you love yourself, you take better care of yourself. I can't emphasize enough how important this step is!!! Here is the story of my "wake-up call," excerpted from How Much Does Your Soul Weigh? (Harper Collins, 2003) pp. 116-117:

"A turning point for me was an experience I had while walking down the street one day. I happened to catch a glimpse of myself in a storefront window. The vision I saw was of a huge, misshapen person with over-sized hips and thighs. “Ugh!” I thought, “I am disgusting!” The negative self-talk continued, and I became focused on my “cellulite-laden thunder thighs.” Thoughts like, “I’ll never beat this,” and “I’m just going to be fat forever” swirled in my mind. The more I thought in this way, the worse I felt. I couldn’t even look people in the face as I passed them on the sidewalk. Feeling totally hopeless, I planned to stop by the candy store down the street to get a big bag of chocolate to drown my feelings in food.

Staring at the ground as I shuffled along in my depressed state, my downward spiral was interrupted as a voice ahead of me said a loud “Hello!” I looked up to see a man with a big smile on his face. He was in a wheelchair, and I noticed that he had no legs. “Have a great day!” he continued, as he passed me. I stopped dead in my tracks. A wave of emotion came over me, as if I had been plodding along in the desert and was suddenly engulfed by a large flood. Suddenly, the size of my “thunder thighs” no longer mattered. How my legs looked was not important. I looked up to the sky and said, “Thank you, God; I have legs.” I walked past the candy store and continued home. As I walked, I noticed how it felt to move my legs. I paid attention to my unique stride. I was able to affirm for the first time many positives that my legs gave me. My eyes teared up as the flood of emotions washed through me. I felt incredible sadness as I thought of the years I had spent putting myself down, minimizing the gifts that I did have, unable to appreciate my inherent value. I also felt great relief, because I was finally able to feel good about my body. Then, I froze. Suddenly I realized that I was feeling good about my body, yet I hadn’t lost a pound."

And, from this place of self-acceptance, I had no interest in overeating... This is Step 1 to overcoming obesity!!!

The Disorder of Eating Disorders

OK... This entry is a bit graphic... Just want to prepare you to step into the shoes of a bulimic... Well, at least, my experience as a bulimic... This is also an excerpt from my latest book, How Much Does Your Soul Weigh? (HarperCollins, 2003), p. 43:

"A half-eaten carton of ice cream, the leftover crusts from an entire deep-dish pizza, an empty box of pop-tarts, a portion of a two-liter bottle of diet soda, a few cookies, and crumbs all over the coffee table, couch and floor. This is all that remains as I continue with my hour-long binge and purge ritual. It’s a familiar routine. I eat so much that I can barely walk to the kitchen, where I lean over the sink and put my right index finger down my throat, forcing myself to throw up just enough food so that I can go back and eat more. “What are ya doin’?” asks Peppy, my parakeet, as I shove more cookies and ice cream in my mouth. “Shut up,” I scream back at him. Until finally, I can’t stand the thought of stuffing anything else down. Now, it’s time to vomit until I get everything out. Get rid of it all. I drink more diet soda to make the vomiting easier. I throw up as much as I can, praying that my esophagus doesn’t rupture in the process..."

Yeah, that was my life. Pretty much every day. Often more than once a day. Many people think that bulimia is "the answer," because you can eat all you want and stay thin. Have your cake and eat it too, then puke it up and stay thin too. Well, I never found that to be true. Here's why. Research shows that a bulimic's body still absorbs about 80% of the calories consumed during a binge. Sooooooo... If you want to have your cake and eat it too, then just have your cake and eat it too...

Trusting Intuition for Weight Loss

Hi. I'm back. It's been a while since my last entry ... I have been busy going through my old journals to find some good reflections to share with you about my struggles and successes in overcoming obesity and eating disorders. Stay tuned for this content, coming very soon! Meanwhile, I thought you might appreciate a poem I wrote about trusting intuition. That can be a hard thing to do, when you're so used to looking outside yourself to diets to tell you what to eat. But your answers are within. This poem is excerpted from my first book, Dr. Dorie's "Don't Diet" Book (Positive Pathways Press, 1988), p. 45:

I have memories as a child of going on trust walks
Blindfolded, I was led by the hand
The leader served as my eyes for I could not see
I was guided across the land

I had to place my faith and trust in my leader
If I was to move at all
By letting go of her hand and going on my own
I would just stumble and fall

There are times when we all need guidance.
We're on a trust walk again,
But now the leader is not outside of us
Our guide is within

Although the way may not seem clear at times
Know that the direction is true
If you trust in yourself you will see
Your path is there in front of you

Weight Loss & Intuition

What is INTUITION? And how can your intuition help you lose weight, or orvercome an eating disorder? Let me share another excerpt from How Much Does Your Soul Weigh? (HarperCollins, 2003), pp. 49-50:

"Intuition is an inner knowing. Intuition may also be called our inner wisdom, sixth sense, a hunch or gut feeling. You have probably experienced the guidance of your intuition — for example, while driving on the expressway you feel an overwhelming sense to exit, then find out later that by so doing you avoided an accident and an awful traffic jam. You have probably experienced the negative consequences of not honoring your intuition — such as ignoring the prompting from within to make a commitment to something, only to realize later that you missed an incredible opportunity.

Your intuition is available to help guide you in your daily life. This includes your eating, exercise and weight issues. But, you’ve probably been trained to discount this valuable source of inherent wisdom. We are all born with intuition, but many of us have forgotten it’s there and so we don’t listen to it on a regular basis. Our society values logic, facts, proof — all of which stifle intuition. However, you can regain and enhance your intuitive ability. Reclaiming your intuition is the real “magic pill.” It offers a holistic solution to weight problems because it addresses the whole person — soul, mind and body — and deals with the cause of weight problems, not just the symptom of weight. Your real “magic pill” of intuition is within you, and when you learn to listen to it again, your weight problem will solve itself."

I Don't Diet ... I Do This Instead

Since 95% of dieters regain any weight they lose, it's a GOOD IDEA to NOT DIET!!! But, if you want to lose weight (and maintain your weight-success), what do you do instead??? Well, here's what I did (and still do), to go from 178 lbs and maintain my current weight in the 120's. I listen to my INTUITION. There is a "right way" of eating and exercising that will work for each individual. I have found "my right way," and I will share more with you about that in future blog entries. Maybe "my right way" will work for you, too...or at least get you on the path of "your right way." Sooooooo... what is your INTUITION saying right now? This is a poem I wrote about trusting mine:

From which direction does the wind blow?
Sometimes I can't tell.
I can sense the breeze, feel it pulling me,
Yet I don't know if I should follow.

From which direction does the wind blow?
Is it from within me?
The breeze seems to change so fast,
I just cannot tell for sure.

From which direction does the wind blow?
If I sit quietly I can tell.
I can feel which is my direction and which is others,
But they can mix so easily and so fast.

So from which direction does the wind blow?
I may never be entirely sure.
But when I feel it is my direction, ever so slightly,
I know I must fly with it...

Diet Dilemmas

Low-cal. Low-fat. Low-carb. Oh, my! Are you ready to give NO DIETS a try? That's what I do. Well, it's more about what I don't do. I DON'T DIET. That's because I have tried pretty much every diet out there. Oh, sure, you can lose weight on a diet ... but can you maintain it? I never could. In fact, like 95% of dieters, I ended up weighing more than when I started the stupid diet. How many "dieters games" have you played? Let's look at one of my favorites, THE SKIPPING GAME:

"Skip breakfast — and even better, skip lunch, too — to save on calories. Then, have whatever you want for dinner. This game is also played when a festive evening is planned: Skip meals to “save up” for the big party. What usually happens, though, is that hunger is so great by dinner time that you overeat. Plus, metabolism slows down in response to the fasting during the day. Meal-skipping cuts calories initially, but almost always results in overeating and weight gain."

This quote was excerpted from my latest book, How Much Does Your Soul Weigh? (HarperCollins, 2003), p. 33.

My First Diet

I was only 10 years old when I started dieting. Sadly, two-thirds of American girls have already been on their first diet by their 10th birthday. This was just the beginning of what I call my "diet nightmare," which lasted more than 15 years, and included dramatic weight fluctuations from anorexia to obesity. Here's what I remember about how it all began. This is an excerpt from my latest book, How Much Does Your Soul Weigh? (HarperCollins, 2003), pp. 9-10:

"I remember very clearly when my weight problem began. I was ten years old, and I was reading a story about a little girl who was always teased because she was fat. “How awful that would be,” I thought. The girl described how her thighs rubbed together on hot, summer days. Panic set in as I realized my thighs rubbed together too. “Maybe I’m fat,” I thought. Although I was an average-sized child, this triggered my first diet. For the next fifteen years, my life revolved around weight control, and I experienced a variety of weight problems and eating disorders. Terrified of being teased because I was fat like that girl in the story, I decided I needed to be thin to be accepted by others. I compared my best friend’s thighs to mine. Hers didn’t rub together. Comparing her overall shape and size to mine, I noticed that I was much bigger, all over. For the first time in my life I really started to feel fat..."

And so, I went on my first diet. This was back in the 70's, so guess which diet I picked? Yeah. That's the one. Thanks for my diet nightmare, Dr. Atkins. May your ghost never haunt me.